Lately Rikki and I have been deluged with adaptations to our schedule. It is nothing new that in September we drastically change our lifestyles from relaxed to crazily hectic. Well, a new kink was thrown in recently that I would like to share with anyone who reads and especially those who comment. Emma is being homeschooled by her mother, Natalie. It is impossibly difficult to describe the level of frustration, anger, and outright shame that we feel right now. For those of you have met Emma, she has many amazing qualities. She is outgoing, bright, creative, mature (probably moreso than a nine year old should be...), and overall pretty wonderful to be around. She also has qualities that are not so amazing, but like any parent I will gloss over them for the moment. Because Emma's parents are d-i-v-o-r-c-e-d all of us have had to share her. This apparently has become a problem for Natalie because rather than find ways to limit her own schedule so that Emma can fit in it (i.e. take fewer grad classes, teach fewer classes, manage her schedule at home...), she has decided that Emma needs to not go to public school anymore so that the mother/daughter pair can perfect their relationship. I have a thousand opinions on this and all of them have been shared openly with Natalie, but she doesn't care. Today, Emma said that she watched part of "Three Amigos" with Natalie before she was picked up by my Mom for a little quality time. Now, nowhere in the broad scope of education does this qualify as educational. Not in anyway. This post is an angry reaction to the systematic softening of my daughter's precious mind. I am angry. I am sad. I want change. I have no power to do anything. I offer my two cents and it is summarily rejected. For those of you in the blogosphere who read this and don't respond, I could really use some words of encouragement, advice, and even prayer for the little girl who lives here three days a week. Thanks. C.L.
4 comments:
Well...you know that I agree with you 100%. It is sad to me that Natalie has made a very selfish decision, one that gives Emma the disadvantage. I know that you and Rikki have done all that you can for the time being. I only hope she listens to Emma if she says she wants to go back to school. as for The Three Amigos, I'm not sure how it ties into a school lesson, but maybe they were learning about team work and friendship...ok, I tried. I love you all and I hate that this is happening. Hang in there!
Chris
OK. I am probably going to say some things that you don't want to hear. I am sorry. I hope that you will still talk to me after this. Your post made me very passionate, and you asked for opinions... so, here goes:
First of all, as a fellow teacher, I have huge issues with home schooling. Even if it is done by someone who is remotely equipped to teach their child at home, it is a daunting task. Home schooling parents are usually supported by a community of people making similar educational choices. Is her mother connected with such a community? Does she have a curriculum? Has she made plans for Em's future? What are the MN State Ed Standards for home schooled kids? Who receives the test scores? Is anyone monitoring her progress?
But Chris, where are YOU in all of this? You are her father. Do something. Unlike "chelle," I don't believe that you've done all that you can. Quit justifying. Quit quietly standing by and waiting for the pieces to fall. You're angry - and that's great. Now get up and do something to help that little girl!
She is so social. She is bright and verbal and creative and now she is being shut away from her friends and her teachers and her community, leaving you & your family, her mother & her new family, and her grandparents - adults and infants and the TV.
She is a little girl. She has no voice in this right now. You have got to step up and be her voice. You are a really good dad. Emma really needs you to stand up and fight for her right now. IF you really feel as passionate about this as you sound, screw the "shame" and DO SOMETHING! Talk to a lawyer. Sue for joint custody. You are her father, and that counts for a lot. Don't just sit back and get angry, ACT! You'd do the same for your boys, why not Em?
I'm sorry if you didn't want to hear these things. I'm sorry if I am being too bossy. I'm really sorry if I pissed you off, but she's your daughter, too. Get off the side lines and help her out.
OK I have more (what a shock.)
I really love you. I am sorry that you are in this shitty situation. I wish that I could wave a magic wand and make everything OK for you and Emma. I am so angry FOR you and I am hurting for Emma. I know that you feel helpless, but there must something. And if I can help, please, let me know.
I love you and am sending you all of my good thoughts and prayers for peace in your family.
Oh, Chris and Rikki, this sucks! What a tricky predicament! We've seen homeschooling results that have been great and others, well, that have been downright terrible. We are sorry to hear that Natalie has not taken your concerns into consideration and has not been doing her part to co-parent with you. We cannot say that we have any answers or really any suggestions, but we do know that you are incredible parents who know your dear Emma better than anyone. If your knowledge and parental instincts are telling you that Natalie cannot provide an outstanding home schooled education for Emma and if you do not believe that homeschooling is appropriate under any circumstances for her, then you are perfectly right in doing whatever you need to do for your beautiful daughter. Only you know what is best. How brave of you to reach out like this. You have our love, support, prayers and hope. -Johanna & David
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